Words to live by

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
- Robert A. Heinlein

Worst superpower ever

When I was in my second year of University, I dated a girl named Tina. She was cute, witty and fun and I really liked her. As the summer break approached, I found out I had been accepted into the officer training program in the military and would be spending 16 weeks in Base Gagetown in New Brunswick. I discovered to my dismay that Tina was not interested in continuing our relationship. While doing basic training, I found out she had started dating some guy named Brad, who was the cook at the Swiss Chalet where she was waitressing.

Upon my return to school in the fall, I was walking across campus with a friend of mine when I bumped into Tina. I asked her how she was doing, she said she was great and then held out her hand, palm down. I had no idea what this gesture meant and stared blankly at her until my friend suddenly said, "Congratulations." That's when I refocused on her hand and noticed the engagement ring on her finger. The exchange then went something like this:

"Brad?"
"Yeah."
"I see. I'm going to go now."

The reason I bring this up is because that was when I discovered my superpower. After breaking up with me, the next guy my ex meets is the guy she ends up marrying. While this doesn't happen every single time, it's happened far too often to be chalked up to coincidence. So, no super strength, no flying, no telepathy. Apparently after dating me, women realize everything they don't want in a guy, which narrows it down for them to meet the man of their dreams.

While on Facebook today, I saw a pic in the highlights section of my home page that made my heart sink a little. The pic was of a woman I was dating up to about six months ago. The pic showed her hand with a ring on it. Being the masochist I am, I clicked on it and sure enough, she's engaged.

Last week, I noticed updates on my news feed from a woman I dated near the end of last year, discussing how her and her new boyfriend are like one of those couples you see in those eHarmony commercials. While they haven't got engaged yet, give it a few months. It'll happen.

For my own mental well being I deleted her from my friends list, so I don't have to receive regular updates about how blissfully happy they are. It's not like we're in contact with each other anyways. I think I'll be doing the same with my ex who was recently engaged. I only need to slam a car door on my hand once to realize, "You know what? That hurts. I don't think I'm going to do that anymore."

This is the superpower I got? Really? Even the Thing got a better deal than this. This is the worst superpower ever.