Stay off the pipe, kids!!

During my commute to work this morning, I was flipping between radio stations trying to find either witty repartee between the morning crews or music that didn't suck. I miss 101.1 X-FM, but that's another story. Unable to find either at the moment, I settled for listening to the news. One bizzare news item in particular grabbed my attention.

Robert Chamberlain, a 44-year-old Virginia man was arrested earlier this month and charged with felony criminal mischief for damaging a Motel 6 room in upstate New York. So far it sounded like nothing out of the ordinary for this favourite haven of adulterers on a budget. What made this incident stand out was he was nabbed for slathering Vaseline on every single thing in room 205, including mattresses, pillows, sheets, furniture, carpeting, blankets, the TV, etc. A motel employee discovered the slippery tableau shortly after Mr. Chamberlain had checked out, and notified the Sherrif's office. The Deputy who arrived to investigate recalled that a room at a nearby Super 8 had been slimed by Chamberlain a few weeks ago, although the owner had declined to press charges.

A search of the trash in the Motel 6 room turned up 14 empty jars of Vaseline, drug paraphernalia and cocaine residue indicating he'd been smoking crack, and porno magazines, all of which were also covered in Vaseline. Shortly after the discovery of the damaged room, Chamberlain was arrested at a nearby Econo Lodge. At the time of his arrest, the man in question was covered from head to toe in Vaseline.

Are you taking this in, kidees? If this isn't incentive enough to stay off the pipe, I don't know what is. Yeeeecccchhh!!!