Dear Santa...

Hey Kringle,

How you doin'? I know it's been a long time since I've wrote you. I want you to know I forgive you for not bringing me a Big Wheel for Christmas when I was six. It's in the past, big guy. Let's move on.

On to the present, pardon the pun, there's something I want for Christmas that I could use your help with. I don't even know if this is something within the scope of your special kind of magic. Anyhoo, here goes. Can you bring me a girlfriend for Christmas? Don't get me wrong. Toys and clothes and stuff are nice and all, but I really don't have any problem getting those myself. The girlfriend thing is turning out to be a little more problematic. I don't have any preferences on hair colour, eye colour, etc, but there definitely must be a hotness factor. I may be a little shallow when it comes to that, but then again, who isn't?

Let her have intelligent things to say. Having interesting conversations while we lie entwined together in the darkness all sleepy and warm is my second favourite thing to do in bed.

Let her be an outdoorsy kind of person, for I have a new mountain bike, and having someone to go biking with would bring me great joy.

Let her know what she wants and not be afraid to go after it. Likewise let her understand I know what I want and have her not be afraid if what I want is her.

Let her have the sense and forthrightness to tell me if I have said or done something to make her sad or angry. Chances are this was not done intentionally and I am ignorant of the effects of those actions. She will likely be most pleased with the lengths I will go to make amends.

Finally, let her not have excessive emotional baggage. One carry-on is fine. Four steamer trunks are way off. If she must have several pieces of luggage, at least let them be a matching set. Perhaps Gucci. Heftybags will just not do.

This is all I'm asking for St. Nick. I realize it's a tall order, but I have faith in you. If this is outside the realm of the possible, some holiday arm candy to take to Christmas parties will do in the short term. Something to make my work colleagues jealous, and make the brass think, "Hmmmm, I can't quite put my finger on it, but something's different about RR. Maybe he is senior management material after all. Let's get the decorators in for his new office."

Yours truly,

Renaissance Runner (RR)