Non Sequiturs

I think my emotional maturity peaked at about age 14. Whenever I see the commercial for Oil of Olay daily facials, I can't help but hear a Beavis and Butthead type voice in my head say, "Heh, heh heh. She said facial."

I turned 34 earlier this month. I'm beginning to think this was the magic date that the warranty on my body ran out. On Monday, I went and lifted weights for the first time in about a year. Since it had been a while, I decided to go with a workout that wouldn't be too intense for my first time. The workout seemed to go ok and I was feeling fine. When I woke up the next morning, it felt like someone had hit me between the shoulder blades and in the chest with a Louisville Slugger. I've been taking those combination pain killers and muscle relaxants the last few days to help out. It's only today I noticed the pain had lessened a little, hinting at some healing going on. Last night after work, I was walking my dog through the field behind my apartment building. We were trotting along a path when suddenly my left foot went in a pot hole, causing it to snap violently inward, leaving my ankle touching the ground. I started screaming out a littany of curses that would make a sailor blush, hopping on my right foot. Surprisingly, after about a minute or so, the pain subsided and I realized I had gotten off easy. A minute later, I was able to walk without even a limp. I got up around 4am to use the bathroom, and discovered I wasn't completely unscathed. I'll probably be limping for the next few days. At least I didn't break anything.

Kim Cattrall's character Samantha has always been my favourite on Sex in the City. Ms. Cattrall also had a small part ten years ago in Star Trek VI. I heard on the radio this morning that during the wrap party for the Star Trek movie, Kim and her boyfriend snuck onto the set for the Enterprise bridge, had sex in the Captain's chair and even took photos. She says since then whenever she hears the words "Captain's Log", it has an entirely different meaning for her. She just gets cooler and cooler in my mind.

I went to the Dentist yestderday for a cleaning. As soon as I sat in the chair, I looked the Dental Hygienist in the eye and said, "Before you start working on my teeth, let's get one thing straight. I can honestly say I floss every day, so don't tell me it looks like I need to floss more often." That being established, she went to work on my choppers. A few times she could see my whole body tense up. She commented my gums seemed a little sensitive. Of course they're sensitive, I thought. You're gouging them with a stainless steel hook!! Is this how hygienists get their shits and giggles? I was informed a gap in the bone and gum had been left behind my left bottom molar when my last wisdom tooth was removed. This makes it pretty much impossible to keep the area clean. She had the dentist come in to look and tell me about a procedure where they can insert a tiny piece of cow bone in the gap, which should cause my body to eventually replace it with my own bone cells and fill in the gap. Cow bone? I didn't even know that was possible. Ah, the wonders of modern medical science.